In the hazy beginnings of any year, when you really should be revving up the fryers of your innate self-improvement mechanisms, it can be very helpful to look over a broad conceptual overview of, like, how to become a better version of yourself over the next twelve months. Really, you should be doing continuous self-improvement year-round for your own survival, and your New Year’s Resolutions and yearlong plans should be extensions of ongoing and constantly-worked-at life goals. But, even if you don’t have some kind of system like that set up, or if you’re falling behind on goals like that, the New Year- whether January 1st, the Lunar New Year, Ash Wednesday, or some other marker- is a great time to recommit to enjoying the rest of your life and being the most useful possible man to your family, friends, community, and every cause you’ll ever love!
The way to do all this is simple, really, and you know all the tropes already, especially if you grew up in Boy Scouts. Keep yourself fit; go to church; read as much as you can; learn new skills; control your spending and your appetites; meet a lot of people and learn as much from them as you can; have goals and push towards them. The lifestyle skills make the moral traits somewhat easier to attain, as well. Whatever your situation, there is a very good chance that you can do some version of all of this. And whatever you’re frustrated about, doing any of these will help you achieve your goals a little better.
I’ve had to learn and re-learn these things myself a few times (it’s shockingly easy to forget everything as soon as your life gets good, so stay vigilant.) But when you fall, if you’re lucky enough to hit a real rock bottom and suddenly see it clear, that there is nothing else you can do but surrender to reality, give up self-pity, and strive to save yourself in any way you know, then you’re ready to take action. Even if you don’t hit rock bottom but are tired of wallowing in the swamps of anomie for too long, you can choose by your own might to take action. And there are always, always guides out there to help you take action.
Some of them are better, others are worse. Follow the wrong ones and you’ll end up worse off than you started. (I have opinions on who you should be thinking about either way, but that’s for another time.) Follow the right ones, and you’ll start to find the tools you need to make your self and your life over again, in the right kinds of ways. There’s more to life than this, but this is an important start.
One quick thing. I sincerely believe that self-improvement for any boy or man must start with working to be a better man, not just a better person. Women can do this stuff well too, and learn from it themselves– I know and admire many women who follow the advice below better than the vast majority of men I know, and I have learned some of this from them. But if you as a man do not follow these, you will end up worse off and stuck at the bottom of your soul, and nobody will pity you, in ways that are not true in the same way for women.
In trying to be a better man, remember: any masculinity that focuses on what women do, and on what society does, is not a masculinity worth practicing. Any masculinity that focuses on what men do, and what the individual does, is the only masculinity worth anything at all.
The three long essays below have helped me realize where I’ve been deficient, and what I’ve had to work on. They’re long– you should take a few hours for each– and full of delicious nuggets of insight, and links to further reading. They’ve helped me over the years, as I’ve returned to them every January and February.
Semper Virilis: A Roadmap to Manhood in the 21st Century
Brett McKay, The Art of Manliness
A general guide to manly self-improvement, focusing on the core habits of exercise and health, the core practices of skill-development, and the core spiritual questions of self-reflection, necessary for an energetic and productive life. Its theory of manhood is also very worth mulling.
Lovers in the Hands of a Patient God
S.G. Belknap, The Point Magazine
A fantastic reflection on the style of romantic love, what to do about your frustrations, how to see the bigger picture, and why that experience is transcendent, not just personal. No, it’s not a pickup artist tract (just do self-improvement, man,) it is a perspective on longing, suffering, fulfillment, agency, and fate well worth mulling not only for love but for life.
How to Get Ahead in Washington: Lessons from the Renaissance and Baroque Eras
Iskander Rehman, War on the Rocks
A reflection on life as an operator-intellectual in the policy world of contemporary Washington D.C., through the scribblings of the great mirrors-for-princes courtiers of the 16th and 17th centuries. It’s not just for politicos, though– the advice contained therein is useful for anyone working to balance being on a team, making a name for themselves, handling superiors, and keeping their souls in any profession.
Read these things as you start your New Year, and I guarantee you you’ll find something worth thinking about.
And happy New Year, my friends. I’m still working on all of this, and I hope I can work on it with all of you, to.
-LNP
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